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Mommy Guilt

Sometimes things aren’t fair & it just is tough!!

Before I gave birth to my firstborn I read every book out there. I wanted to do everything perfectly & be a good mom. Plus, I really was never a “kid” person & had only changed maybe one diaper my entire life!

So, I was definitely super freaked out that I was going to be in charge of a little baby. Plus, my husband & I were alone, living in Miami & we didn’t know anyone – like NO ONE!!

I planned all along on nursing. I really didn’t think I would do anything differently because that was what every book + doctor + friends told me to do.

We welcomed our newborn boy into the world & once we got home from the hospital nursing was not going well. I talked to my sister & she said what I was experiencing was not normal.

My baby was crying a lot. I was crying a lot. I felt like this baby thing was not for me!

I desperately tried to reach out for support. I called a local La Leche League. No one returned my call.

So after 6 days I gave my baby a bottle & he fell asleep. He was satisfied & I felt guilty & like a bad mom. I had pretty much starved my baby & had no clue!!

Even though my baby was now sleeping + peaceful because he wasn’t hungry anymore, I had major mommy guilt because he still wasn’t nursing!

After two weeks I found a local hospital that specialized in lactation & I reached out for help! Oh man, I was so stressed out + feeling helpless + just plain exhausted. It’s so hard being a new mom.

After months of eating oatmeal + drinking beer + hot soup + lots of water + pumping for hours every day I was done. Pumping produced at most 4 ounces of milk every day & even though the lactation specialists were super encouraging I was just done with all of it!

I had to get over the fact that it just wasn’t working. I had to get over feeling mommy guilt that I wasn’t going to nurse. I just had to move on & know that I was still a good mom.

Being a new mom is really tough. We can try & do our best but things don’t always work out. Was the decision to quit nursing earth shattering? No. I have a healthy kiddo & do not regret the choice I made.

Moms, you’re doing the best you can.
No one else is in your shoes.
You are everything to your child & that is enough.

If you’re struggling as a new mom please reach out for help! I wasn’t aware of the resources available & it would’ve saved me from a lot of struggles.

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